There's a Bird in the House!
by Lemonade Ninja
Summary: Bella isn't scared of anything - she ain't scared of vampires or werewolves. But when it comes down to something as little as a bird, she's kind of freaked out. And Charlie knows about twitter? Oneshot. Sort of OOC, but funny all the same.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, nor the bird in my fire chimney. I merely only own this plot.

**Title:** There's a Bird in the House!

**Summary:** Bella isn't scared of anything – she ain't scared of vampires or werewolves. But when it comes down to some as little as a bird, she's kind of freaked out. And Charlie knows about Twitter?

**Author's Note:** I was struck by sudden inspiration this morning when my mom and I were trying to get a bird out of our fire chimney (which is still there, by the way). Please enjoy and review on your way out!

_**There's a Bird in the House!**_

_**Bella's PoV**_

_Tweet_. _Tweet-tweet_.

I paused in the middle of brushing my teeth.

What in the world was that?

Quickly, I moved my toothbrush around my mouth and spat the toothpaste into the sink. Then I rinsed the toothbrush, and put it in its holder.

Before I had even taken one step away from the sink, I heard it again.

_Tweet_.

I opened the bathroom door and stuck my head out into the hallway. "Dad?"

Charlie opened his bedroom door and stuck his head out. "Yeah, Bella?"

"What's tweeting?" I asked.

"Isn't it that thing on the internet where people post idiotic sayings about what they're doing every minute of the day?" he asked, looking confused.

I stared at him. How in the _world_ did Charlie know about Twitter? He didn't even know how to log on to the internet. Sure, he knew how to assemble computers and such, but he didn't know one thing about the internet. So how in the world did he know about Twitter? I shook my head, deciding to find out about that later. "I'm not going to ask how you know about Twitter. What I _meant_ was what's twirping? Is there a bird trapped in the house or something?"

Charlie stood still for a few seconds, and then said, "Bella, I think that you're imagining things. It's late, and school starts in the morning, so go to –"

_Tweet_.

Charlie stopped abruptly and looked shocked as he came out of his room. "What was that?"

"I think, dad, that's a bird," I said, opening the bathroom door the rest of the way and stepping out in the hallway.

To my utter surprise and amusement, Charlie's eyes got a little wide. There was another _chirp_, and this time, along with it came the sound of flapping wings. All of a sudden, something zipped past my head and I shrieked, pressing myself against a wall. As that something flew past Charlie, he screamed as well.

Had I not been so pathetically and idiotically freaked by something as little as a bird, I would have laughed at Charlie. I mean, a Chief of Police, fearless, but when it comes down to nothing but a freaking bird, he's freaked out?

"I think it went downstairs," Charlie stage-whispered, pointing with his finger over his shoulder to the stairs.

Together, silently, we crept down the stairs slowly.

We stood in the front hallway, my heart pumping hard with adrenaline.

"Where'd it go?" I asked.

_Tweet_!

It came from the kitchen. We crept into the kitchen, our eyes scanning wildly for the bird.

"There it is!" Charlie whispered. He pointed to the top of our refrigerator.

A small black bird was perched on top of the freezer door, its small little head with its small beady little eyes cocking its head from side to side.

"What's the plan?" I asked, feeling absolutely ridiculous. I mean, for a person who has survived a psychotic vampire attack and wasn't even scared about going up against it, one teeny little bird should be nothing.

"Uh, why don't you go open the front door, and I'll try to divert the bird so he'll fly out the door." Charlie's voice was shaking slightly.

I ran for the front door, unlocked it and threw it open. "Okay!"

Our plan was diminished quickly.

For ten minutes, with the front door and screen door open wide, letting the cold air and rain in, we chased the bird through the house, who kept going into different rooms on the first floor. It was a very clever bird – it would hide itself very cleverly. I fell over the coffee table in the living room twice, which I knew would result in a couple of bruises on my leg and possibly one on my elbow.

And then finally, we saw him flying towards the front door.

"Quick, Bella! Shut the door!" Charlie shouted.

Once again, I ran for the door, and promptly slammed it shut it behind the bird. I leaned against it and took a deep breath.

Charlie flopped down onto his back on the couch and let out a deep breath. "That … "

"Was interesting, to say the least," I said, breathing heavily from my run through the house. "And to think we're both scared of a teeny little bird."

Charlie let out an out-of-breath chuckle. "Well, when I was five, I went to this bird zoo and a whole fleet of parakeets flew at my head. I've been scared ever since."

The next morning, as I pulled into the school parking lot, I saw Edward and Alice leaning against his Volvo. I was anxious to see Edward. He and his family had gone on a week-long hunting trip, and I had missed him. As I walked closer to them, I could see that Alice looked like she was trying not to laugh and Edward had a big, crooked grin on his face.

"Hello, love," he said, planting a quick kiss on my lips. When he pulled back, he asked, "How's your leg?"

I blushed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Edward and Alice started laughing.

"I had a vision of you and Charlie chasing a bird through your house last night. It was the entertainment of the night!" Alice laughed. "You aren't going to be hearing the end of this one from Jasper and Emmett for a long time coming!"

My face turned redder and Edward, laughing, put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek. "It's okay, Bella. I'll protect you. But you have to admit, being scared of only a teeny little bird…."

"Ooh, Bella, how does Charlie know about Twitter?"

**Author's Note:** _So? How did you like it? Did anybody laugh at the whole twitter thing from Charlie? I thought I'd put it in there for the fun of it, only because it went along with the plotline so well. Anyway, please review on your way out – they are _mucho_ appreciated!_

_Lemonade Ninja_


End file.
